


Ignorance was bliss

by moonlightnish



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Houjou Emu Needs A Hug, Implied/ Referenced Suicide Attempt, Post-Canon, Takes Place after Mighty Novel X
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightnish/pseuds/moonlightnish
Summary: Sometimes even Emu needs someone who can cheer him up.
Relationships: Houjou Emu & Parad (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid), Houjou Emu/Parad
Comments: 16
Kudos: 21





	Ignorance was bliss

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to [Jen425](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jen425/pseuds/Jen425) for helping me with the title :)
> 
> Quick notes on the novel: Poppy, Hiiro, Taiga and Kiriya visited different points in Emu’s life and got clues to figure out the real nature of his “accident”. They also gave him some words of motivation because they visited him at some of his lowest points in his life. 
> 
> Present day Emu doesn’t remember every single detail from the game world as he was a bit unavailable during that time. But some memories do seep in eventually.

_...Doctors…_

_...There are heroes in this world who’ll keep you safe…_

_...As a doctor,..._

_...Why didn’t you die that day…_

_...You can’t reset your life…._

_...You are someone who becomes a doctor…_

_...You're the only one who decides the end of your life…_

_...Emu…_

With thoughts and broken memories threatening to drown him, Emu tries his best not to focus on them while he puts on his best smile for his patients. He knows he couldn't keep going like this. The unease was gnawing at the back of his mind and the stress was mounting. When it is finally the time for his break, he heads up to the roof, desperate to have some “alone” time. Once there, the hazy memories resurface and Emu lets them run wild.

“Emu-” Parad interrupts when he’s revisiting a certain event on a rainy day “Are you ok? What’s wrong?”

“M fine.” Emu lies, not wanting to trouble anyone else.

“Yeah right. How do you plan on tricking me when I can read all of your thoughts?”

“Sorry.. I’m just…” Emu sighs, burying his head in his hands.

Parad fully separates himself from Emu and takes a seat next to him. He wraps his arm around the doctor’s shoulders, bringing him closer. Emu buries himself in the safety of Parad’s arm, the tension in his frame slowly reducing at the familiar comforting presence. He still remains silent and Parad knows that his emotions are still all over the place.

“Still thinking about that day?” Parad asks as he rubs circles at his host’s back.

Emu gives a silent nod before trying to find the right words to describe how he’s feeling.

“I-” he sighs before continuing “I put that incident to the back of my mind and never thought about it. Never wanted to think about it. I wanted to forget that it ever happened. But now that I was forced to remember it and others also had to see it, I just… I’m starting to question myself.”

“What do you mean? You do know that everyone in CR accepted what happened and are not judging you for the decisions you made right?”

That was indeed true. Ever since the incident with Dan Kuroto II, the atmosphere in CR was weird. No one could forget what they saw. They all knew they couldn’t put away that topic for long. However, they were gracious enough to give Emu the time to come to terms with the fact that everyone got to see snippets of his past unfold right in front of them like in a movie.

Eventually, along with Parad’s support, Emu found the courage to sit down and tell his tale to everyone. It involved a lot of tears, a lot of shame from Emu and an overbearing urge to hug and protect Emu from the world for the others. When he was done, Emu assured everyone that he was really fine, that he had moved past it and begged everyone to not treat him any differently because of that incident. Kiriya, being as smart as he was, rightfully pointed out that it will be difficult for them but they will definitely try for his sake. And for the most part, they did their best to make the situation normal again.

“Yeah I know that. But still, I’m just thinking and..” he lets out a sigh “Parad, do I really have the right to be a doctor?"

“What the hell do you even mean by that?”

“I… I’ve criticised so many people when they don’t value their lives, yourself included. Makes me look like a hypocrite when I didn’t value my own life, doesn’t it? I mean, I always had the ‘do I have the right to question’ thought in the back of mind but I kept ignoring it. Kept masking my past. Even when dad asked me if I was qualified to be a doctor, I still tried to ignore the question.”

Parad tries his best not to growl at the mention of Kiyonaga. He still loathes the man for making life so difficult for Emu but he knows talking about that bastard was not what Emu needed right now.

“But I can’t keep running away from that forever. I can’t forget my past. And it’s..” He sighs and curls further “it’s really making me question my qualification as a doctor.”

Parad tries to set a neutral expression before speaking. “Emu, you are really smart but you can be really stupid at times.”

“Eh?”

“Think about all the patients you have saved. You literally fought with your life on the line for their safety. Don’t you think that makes you a great doctor?”

But it’s not enough for Emu. He still looks unsatisfied.

“Moreover, did you forget who you are talking to? I’ve literally killed people just to have fun with the game. When someone like me who has committed several crimes gets a second chance, don’t you think you deserve one too?”

“But whose fault was it? The reason for your crimes? Your actions were a result of my childish thoughts right? I probably shouldn’t have even blamed you for those actions years back.” Emu ducks his head and curls into himself.

Parad’s eyes widen hearing that. For Emu to even think those were his faults. He already feels bad for making Emu atone for his sins but this? Unacceptable. He quickly tries to deny his claim before Emu ends up in another guilt trip.

“Nuh-uh. That’s not true at all. You might have not valued your life back then but there’s no way you would endanger anyone else for fun. I mean it! Whatever I did were all because of me only. You weren’t like that. You were too kind hearted back then also. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who met the past version of you. They’d definitely agree.”

Emu winces at Parad’s suggestion. “I don’t want to bring up that topic again.”

(The only reason they were even having this conversation now is because Emu knows Parad won’t let it go until he makes sure Emu is fine.)

Forcing the neutral expression again, Parad continues “That’s fair. Still I can assure you that everyone does feel that way. They told me that themselves when you were trapped in the game world. And it is absolutely true. Won’t you trust my words, Emu?”

“I definitely do trust you Parad.” Emu says firmly but those brown eyes still showed a hint of sadness. Parad gently lifts the doctor’s chin so they are looking face to face.

“What’s your catchphrase Emu?’

“I’ll clear this with no continues?”

“The other one.”

“I’ll change the fate of my patient with my own hands?”

“That’s the one! And the first patient whose fate you changed is yourself. You’ve come a long way in your life. As a doctor and as a Kamen Rider. You are here not in spite of your past but because of it. You wanted to change. You wanted to be better. You wanted to help. It’s what makes you a great doctor.”

Emu blinks. “I..”

“We all owe our lives to you. None of us would be here if not for you. You’ve brought light to our lives. So please, never question your worth Emu. Ever. Ok?”

“I’ll try. But it gets so hard at times.”

Allowing himself to smile slightly, Parad continues “Even if we make a mistake in the past, we should accept that and work towards the future. Isn’t that right?”

Emu pauses, the gears in his brain turning as he ponders the bugster’s words. “Right..” he finally gets out “Where did you learn to speak like that?”

“Wow you’re really out of it, huh. These are the same words you told me. I paraphrased but still.”

“Wait really?”

“Yeah. Like I said, your words, your presence is important for all of us. You are always here for us when we’re feeling down. Your words of reassurance have always kept us going. Be proud of who you have become, Emu.” Parad tells the doctor while giving him a small shake.

“I’ll.. I’ll remember that.” Emu croaks out.

“That’s good. And I’ll be here to make you remember if you ever forget.”

He finally smiles. “Parad? Thanks. Thank you for everything. I really needed that.”

“Anything for you, Emu.”

They sit there for a while, still in the embrace, letting their emotions talk for them. Having their hearts connected meant sometimes they didn’t need to say their thoughts out loud. They just understand. When he feels his host has somewhat calmed down, Parad gently nudges his shoulder.

“I think it’s time for your shift. Are you ready to get back to your job, Sensei?”

“Yeah, I can do this.” With a determined nod, Emu gets up and pulls Parad up with him.

“See, now was a good opportunity to use your first catchphrase and you totally missed it.” Parad tries to joke to lighten the mood.

“Oh, come on!”

The two of them head back, ready to face their work. Their doubts and worries might show up again but they know they can move past it as long as they have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I was SO nervous to write this given the touchy subject. (I still am nervous). But I really wanted to give Emu some comfort after everything that happened to him. So please be gentle with me ^-^
> 
> Feedbacks are incredibly welcomed. They can directed to my tumblr [@moonlightnish](https://moonlightnish.tumblr.com/) as well.


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